Pardon my long absence! I unexpectedly had a big ol’ case of yellow-bellied chicken scaredy pants disease.
You see, shortly after that last post, I peed on a stick. And then another. And they were positive! Once I saw those two faint lines, it was as if my brain went into ‘oh, crap, shit just got real’ mode. All I could think of was how badly things could go and how heartbroken I would be so I clammed up. Bad things don’t happen if you don’t talk about stuff, right?
Then, I had a gigantor scare that just reinforced my worries: I had an afternoon of heavy bleeding and clotting. The Wife rushed home from work and our clinic (they really are so awesome) got us in for an ultrasound and assessment and that’s when we got to hear the fetal heartbeat for the first time! It was strong and the sac looked great, the bleeding and clotting were terrifying but meaningless.
We have since moved and found a birth center here in Savannah, found out we were having a girl, and here we are plodding along! So, here I am, 27 weeks and awkwardly round. I had an unremarkable first trimester (y’know, aside from that little scare) with no morning sickness. My second trimester was dullsville as well. The big thing is this persistent awful back ache in this one specific spot that Just WILL NOT STOP. And some intense red meat cravings. My boobs started leaking around 18 weeks and I started feeling kicks shortly thereafter! The Wife got to start feeling those kicks around week 20. The other night, we actually saw her poking her little foot against my belly button! We could feel her leg and knee and everything! It was the creepiest, weirdest, most wonderful thing ever!
The third trimester is shaping up to be a bit more…aggressive. My pelvis feels like it’s held together with string and old duct tape. My hips ache like an old lady’s. I’m exhausted all the time and my belly is constantly getting in the way!
So that’s it in a nutshell. I was completely petrified of saying anything for the longest time; at first, I was like “pssht, I’m telling er’body once I get my positive!” and then that switched to “maybe I should wait until I’m out of the first trimester”. And then I wanted to wait until I got my anatomy scan to make sure everything was alright (scan done and, yay, everything looked good!). And then it was just a lingering feeling of foreboding. Naively, when I was trying to conceive, I thought that, once I was pregnant, I wouldn’t have to stress so much. Now I see that the best I can hope for is that this persistent worry that Something Bad Will Happen will subside to a manageable background noise.