Today is the day!

29 May

After many months, today, 8am, is my first insemination! Wish me luck!

Only tangentially related to the pursuit of pregnancy

25 May

I went for a run this morning. Um, a walk with some running sprinkled in. BUT it was fast-paced walking! And I even got a little sprint-y in there! I mean, I’m definitely going to dead first thing in the event of the zombie apocalypse, but hey! I’m working on it!

It’s been years since I’ve voluntarily run for any length of time. Running makes me sweaty, look goofy, and hurty. None of those things I enjoy. But I did it today as a push to get back on the ol’ health track. As mentioned in that other post, I kind’ve fell away from eating well and moving more after the surgery and haven’t really ever found my way back.

Not any more, though! I put on my play list, went over to the neighborhood park, and ran me some laps!

At first, it was just me and the squirrels and I kept eyeballing my surroundings and touching my handy little lady helper (it’s a fold-up survival knife that The Wife got me) for reassurance. My neighborhood is comparatively safe. Comparatively. But then, slowly, other runners, all much older, came trickling in.

It was a good kick in the pants, these course compadres as we were all clearly trying to impress each other. Or, at least, not look foolish. I know that whenever I was coming up on someone, I’d kick it in gear because I’m young, right? I’m supposed to be vibrant and able to maintain a pace above a smart stroll for more than 2 mins, right?

While I was running, I started to feel cramping, like menstrual cramps, low in my abdomen, focused on my right side. I have not taken a biology class in many years, but I can only assume that this is definitely because my follicles are super-charging and ovulation is a-coming. Yup. That’s what it means!

Kick Ass

24 May

I almost indulged in a bit of ‘kicking ass’ part of this blog’s mission statement on Tues. I went in, bright and early, to my second cycle-monitoring appt and almost opened a can of whoop-ass for the doctor who saw me. But he totally would have deserved it!

So, over the weekend past, I’d been getting all these ‘OVULATION IS NIGH’ feelings and symptoms. Unfortunately, this was while my partner was graduating from law school and we were hosting her mom and just so much going on! So I couldn’t freak out but a little bit. I peed on a stick on Sat, nada. Peed on Sun-still ok! But my stick on Monday was a bit open to interpretation. See, if you don’t pee on sticks professionally, you might not know that an ovulation test isn’t clear-cut yay or nay like with a pregnancy test. With a preg test, if you see two lines, you’re spawning! With ovulation tests, the second line has to be darker than the control. Not ‘as dark’ not ‘close enough’. DARKER.

I spent a good few minutes peering at the line in different lights at different angles. And the best answer I could come up with was ‘what the hell!?!’. No wonder digital kits cost so dang much. You’re paying for the privilege of getting a simple yes or no. (I have since purchased disposable digital tests) If you’d like to learn more and fully appreciate my pain, you should really look at this amazing website. (it opens in a new tab!)

Tues, I went in and got my blood drawn, hopped up on the gyno table, and watched the little monitor as my doctor performed an ultrasound. He made some hm’s and huh’s. And said “well, I see a lot of follicles, but no one of them is standing out and I would expect that at this point in your cycle. Oh, well, you may have already ovulated.” and then just turned back to the monitor like he didn’t just detonate a small nuclear bomb in my chest.

In one single second, I saw another cycle flushed down the toilet, another month of hanging out at the start line, another big ol’ fee tossed into the wind. There were so many emotions, all bad, but plentiful. I wanted to shake my fists and yell to the heavens, but instead one little groan slipped out. He and the medical assistant kind’ve looked at me weird and I smiled politely, not letting myself speak. If I had said anything, it would have contained an unladylike amount of profanities. Like, Samuel L Jackson levels.

After the ultrasound was done and I was once again situated in my pants, I left and called Sadie. We reviewed the evidence. Yes, I had foreshadowings of early ovulation, but, as much as I’d like to be so in tune with my physical self, I’m usually well-thwarted by my body’s mysteries. So can’t rely on that. This doctor invariably says things to panic me and is pretty pushy about getting me on meds (even though he is NOT my RE and my actual RE strongly encouraged a few natural cycles first!). So maybe he’s used to his patients being on meds and producing plump little follicles in a snap. The most reassuring evidence in my favor are my temps. THANK GOD I TEMP! Thank you, thank you, thank you. My temps have remained reassuringly low and steady. No ovulation spikes. So I couldn’t have ovulated, right? Right?

Luckily, I got a call a few hours later from the clinic about my blood work. And my hormones backed me up. I did NOT, in fact, ovulate. But they were low. So maybe I’ll have a late ovulation? Ugh, I don’t know, this whole getting pregnant thing is really freaking complicated!

Back in the game

10 May

Sorry for the long break. Once I was in the mindset to start posting again, I realized that all I’d be posting about was Scruffy and I didn’t want to do that. But now here I am, ready to write and ready for my first insemination cycle.

Please, god, let me just have a complete insemination cycle! I got the all-clear from the doctor who performed my surgery and signed up for another observed cycle with my repro specialist doc. And today is the first day of my period so in a few days, it all begins again-the ultrasounds, bloodletting, all of it! I’m nervous and excited, like my ovaries are going to prom or something.

I never did talk about my surgery, did I? It wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t as easy-peasy as I’d hoped. Like my other post said, I had to fast prior to the surgery and got there super-early. Once I signed in (which took ages because the receptionist didn’t come in until half an hour after a bunch of us patients arrived), it all went really fast.

A nurse came and collected me, had me change into a hospital gown and set me up on a rolling hospital bed, then she brought The Wife in with me and went over everything-the surgery, aftercare, etc. Then I left The Wife behind and the nurse wheeled me through the hospital into the prep room. There, a surprisingly painful IV line was inserted, sans meds, and the doc came in to check on me. And then off to the races!

Once more, I was wheeled through the place (it’s awkward but cool to be wheeled around while reclining in comfort) and into surgery. Next thing I know, I’m at the middle of a hustling, bustling crowd of people putting electrodes on me, strapping my arms down (that part definitely felt bad weird. I’ve seen too many horror movies), and prodding me into position. And then th IV was attached to a bag of meds and that’s all she wrote!

I woke up in a recovery room with other folks also coming out of surgery, including an older dude across from me who seemed concerned at the discomfort I was in. There was definite cramping and the nurse gave me something via IV that didn’t do much. Then she came back with some stronger meds and that helped a bit more. I just kind’ve lay there, fading in and out, and trying to get down some crackers and ginger ale so that my stomach wouldn’t join the complaint party.

The Wife was brought in after I got dressed and she took me home, got me into bed, and naptime it was. She took such great care of me, bringing me water, tea, fruit. Making sure I had anything I needed! She was definitely the bright spot of the day. I felt nauseous and everytime I moved my head too quickly, my stomach felt like it turned itself inside out.

I felt myself the next day and just had some bleeding for the next few days. So, not too bad, all in all.

Unfortunately, The Wife did not have such an agreeable time of it. Apparently, while she was in the waiting room, other patients’ family and friends were getting updates and news from their doctors while she was getting ignored. She kept trying to ask about how I was doing, but nobody could tell her anything. She said she started to get really anxious and worried that something was going wrong. Apparently, she dropped a line about being my wife AND attorney and then everybody fell over themselves to make sure she got included back in the loop. So, perks of being in law school? I teased her about impersonating a lawyer, but I felt bad for her.

But, I got my surgery, got my stamp of approval for insemination, and hopefully, this means everything is in working order and I’ll be knocked in no time!

Update

23 Apr

I had my surgery and everything went fine. I was going to post a run-down of the day and afterwards, but I’m not up to it right yet. Thursday was my surgery, Friday was spent recuperating, and Saturday we had to take our dog to the emergency room.

He’s Scruffy and he’s about 18-ish years old. He’s mostly blind and more than a bit senile and deaf, but he’s got the youthful good looks of a pup a tenth of his age. He spends a lot of time laying on pillows (seriously, if anything remotely soft and pillow-like falls to the floor, he’s on it in seconds), but after dinner, he likes to play tag between his food dish and one of us in the living room. He does a jig when you scratch his haunches. And he loves sniffing things. To the exclusion of all else, he LOVES sniffing things. His walks are long in time, but short in distance, because he cannot pass up a patch of grass, a curb, a plant pot, anything without first thoroughly sniffing it down.

And on Saturday, we could coax him into a walk. He wasn’t even excited to sniff his favorite corner, where he usually likes to spend some serious time. He was swaying and acting really confused. We took him into the ER and they assessed him, thought his kidney levels were a bit high, but nothing extraordinary, gave us some pain killers for him, and advised us to follow-up with our vet. We got him home and he started vomiting every few hours and wasn’t eating anything. In the AM, we got him Pedialyte and I still had an unopened oral medicine syringe left over so we gave him liquids about every 45mins-1hr. He started keeping it down and was a bit more active (as in, he would move his tail or his head, he still wasn’t running around) and responsive to us. Then, in the evening, he stopped urinating and started vomiting more. He had a seizure and we immediately took him back to the ER and they admitted him.

We spoke with a different doctor and this one seemed to believe he was experiencing kidney failure. Personally, I think the doctor we saw the other night was suspicious that we had fed or exposed him to something toxic and maybe thought it’d work its way out or something. This doctor seemed to look at the symptoms and let them inform her diagnosis. This morning, he’s still in ICU. The doctor seeing to his care says that he’s still not producing urine, his heart is over-taxed, and his liver is showing signs of distress. We’re waiting on his blood panel and then we’ll work from there.But it’s not looking good.

This is The Wife’s dog. They’ve been together for almost all his life and they just go together. They’re a team. I feel so badly and at a loss because she can’t not be at work right now and she just entered into her last semester at law school and has finals right now. She was under pressure before and now…I just don’t know how to help. There are so many things to consider here: he’s old and his quality of life has been okay, but declining. If he makes it through, it’s not going to be very good at all. He’s also too old to undergo any intensive surgery or treatment. And this medical care is rapidly getting insanely expensive. But he’s Scruffy and should just be around for awhile longer. And he just shouldn’t be in any pain. He’s such a sweet dog. He’s so sweet and stubborn; he’ll just tolerate pain quietly and we don’t want him suffering. I don’t think either of us know what to do andare just feeling it out one step at a time.

After I posted this, I got an update from the doctor. Scruffy had a bacterial infection and the organ failure was from related complications. He was also experiencing some bleeding/clotting internally. They figured the infection was from a perforation, or a leaking ulcer, or ruptured growth. They said they’d need to do surgery to diagnose and then surgery to treat. He told us the odds of him leaving the hospital after just one surgery were low.
In the end, we decided to let him go. We were with him, trying to tell him how amazing he was without sounding stressed. He was partially responsive and I don’t know if hearing us upset would make him anxious. It was so fast that I’m still not sure I really know it happened, if that makes sense.

Not a great morning

19 Apr

Today’s my surgery day and I’m at the clinic. I woke up at 1 am after about two hours of sleep. The medication they have me to take last night had me up with cramps, but no pain meds for relief because my stomach has to be empty in preparation for anesthesia. I’ve had cramps (and knee pain for some reason) all night. So here I am at 6am with two hours of sleep and really missing my ibuprofen. I’m not having fun.

Any minute now…any minute

10 Apr

Still got the ol’ polyp. Yup, me and Polly Polyp. BFFs.

What’s happened so far is a massive cash discotheque, I suspect. I’ve had both of my consultations as of this afternoon. The first one was yesterday at the hospital I’ll have the procedure at and it was your standard 30 min intake. A nurse took my vitals, reviewed my medical history, and reviewed my pre- and post-op instructions. Then today, I went to my fertility clinic to do a sit-and-chat with my doctor (he is one of the doctors running the fertility clinic and he’s also affiliated with a few area hospitals and, since their surgeries have to take place in a hospital setting, even though he’s not our actual doctor, he’s going to perform mine.) I re-filled out the same med history paperwork and reviewed it with a medical assistant who also checked my vitals (although she didn’t take any blood! Yay!). Then I sat in their very warm, quiet chit-chat room. And waited. About half an hour later, he came in and made sure I got to ask my questions. Ten minutes later, we were done.

Duuuuuuude. This could have all been down in one visit and a packet of info. Let’s get this polypectomy on the road! Polly’s gotta get evicted!

But I DO have an actual, really-going-to-happen surgery appt in a little over a week. AND neither of the consultations involved ultrasounds so I got to keep my pants on! Yay!